9 Real Ways You Can Help After a House Fire
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“Did you ever think your house would burn down?” Eden, my then 7-year-old daughter asked me every couple days, for months, after an arsonist randomly set our house on fire.
“No,” I would answer each and every time.
“I just never thought my house would ever burn down,” she would say, shaking her head. Neither did I and, despite the fact we just marked the second anniversary, I still can’t quite believe it did. There are many others who know this feeling exactly.
“Did you ever think your house would burn down?” Eden, my then 7-year-old daughter asked me every couple days, for months, after an arsonist randomly set our house on fire.
“No,” I would answer each and every time.
“I just never thought my house would ever burn down,” she would say, shaking her head. Neither did I and, despite the fact we just marked the second anniversary, I still can’t quite believe it did. There are many others who know this feeling exactly.
Whenever wildfires rage, and residents who are evacuated wait to find out if their homes had been destroyed, my mind and my heart are with them.
Ours was set in the wee hours, and we were all home and in bed. My husband and I gathered our children and the dog and fled with the clothes on our backs. I stopped only to grab my laptop, which was at hand, and ran barefoot into the darkness.
Ours was set in the wee hours, and we were all home and in bed. My husband and I gathered our children and the dog and fled with the clothes on our backs. I stopped only to grab my laptop, which was at hand, and ran barefoot into the darkness.
As we stood on the path across the road and watched the fire spread, what surprised me was the absence of pain, even when I knew everything was lost. I was in shock, true, but I was also clearer than I've ever been: "That" (our house and possessions) was stuff and could be replaced; my family, standing beside me, alive and physically unharmed, was irreplaceable. I could live without the rest.
“We’ve been through worse.” I said repeatedly in the early days, and we had, but I didn’t understand trauma, and I didn’t know that the fire was only the beginning.
“We’ve been through worse.” I said repeatedly in the early days, and we had, but I didn’t understand trauma, and I didn’t know that the fire was only the beginning.
As the weeks and months passed, I couldn’t believe how hard it became. It was such a surprise that having someone set fire to our home and losing all our possessions wasn’t the most terrible part; it was struggling against bureaucracy and making every single financial decision — from what spatula to buy to how big to build the house — while traumatized and exhausted.
And yet, in the early days, the horror of fire was mingled with and almost covered by the extraordinary outpouring of support, the beautiful and staggering generosity of our community.
And yet, in the early days, the horror of fire was mingled with and almost covered by the extraordinary outpouring of support, the beautiful and staggering generosity of our community.
It began while our house was still in flames, with Paul's (my husband's) sister and brother-in-law scooping us up from the side of the road and welcoming us into their house, where we stayed six weeks, catching our breath and planning the next step.
Very early, I called one of our pastors, who announced the fire in church. A friend was given checks and cash for us, there on the spot. Friends from school gathered the next day to strategize our immediate, midterm and long-term needs. Our home was still smoking when a local business was established as a drop-off spot for donations.
Paul’s coworkers helped set up an account at our credit union and were gathering donations the next day. Many continued to look out for us over the long year of rebuilding.
Neighbors, some we barely knew, stopped and handed us cash or offered furniture, clothes, even a place to stay.
Friends and family at a distance called, sent care packages and wrote wonderful, loving cards and emails.
Very early, I called one of our pastors, who announced the fire in church. A friend was given checks and cash for us, there on the spot. Friends from school gathered the next day to strategize our immediate, midterm and long-term needs. Our home was still smoking when a local business was established as a drop-off spot for donations.
Paul’s coworkers helped set up an account at our credit union and were gathering donations the next day. Many continued to look out for us over the long year of rebuilding.
Neighbors, some we barely knew, stopped and handed us cash or offered furniture, clothes, even a place to stay.
Friends and family at a distance called, sent care packages and wrote wonderful, loving cards and emails.
I asked Paul, more than once, “Does anyone know we were well insured? That we have savings?” I had no idea how slow and difficult insurance would be nor how quickly we would go through our savings. It was uncomfortable being the focus of so much attention and, as strange as it sounds, I found overwhelming generosity — at times — simply overwhelming.
Here’s What Helped, and What You Can Do
Perhaps you have friends who lost their home in California or one of the other areas affected by wildfires. If so, you may be longing to do something, and I would love to offer a few suggestions.
Here’s What Helped, and What You Can Do
Perhaps you have friends who lost their home in California or one of the other areas affected by wildfires. If so, you may be longing to do something, and I would love to offer a few suggestions.
Message, text or email them your love and concern. Crisis can be so isolating, and hearing that others know what’s going on and that they care is wonderful. But keep it simple: “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so glad you are alive.” There really isn’t much else to say.
Listen. Everyone is going to have a unique response to this terrible event. After our fire it seemed I was constantly out of step with the prescribed narrative. When people thought I should despair, I was hopeful. When others assumed things were looking up, I was tanking. Your friend, who (if in Colorado Springs) is surrounded by so many others going through this same tragedy, will need someone to simply listen to how it is for her or him.
Send a check. This is one of the most helpful things you can do. Your friends are going to be spending money every which way, and insurance can take a while to process, even if everything goes smoothly.
Listen. Everyone is going to have a unique response to this terrible event. After our fire it seemed I was constantly out of step with the prescribed narrative. When people thought I should despair, I was hopeful. When others assumed things were looking up, I was tanking. Your friend, who (if in Colorado Springs) is surrounded by so many others going through this same tragedy, will need someone to simply listen to how it is for her or him.
Send a check. This is one of the most helpful things you can do. Your friends are going to be spending money every which way, and insurance can take a while to process, even if everything goes smoothly.
Send a gift certificate. Everyone in our family is a reader, so we were given many gift certificates to bookstores. Our books were one of the first things we wanted to replace. You could send a certificate to a favorite restaurant or a grocery store.
Give clothes or home items. Be really thoughtful here. If they were insured, your friends will be provided with the household basics and might not be ready to sort through a lot of stuff.
Make a meal or bring groceries. Your friends are probably exhausted and struggling on many levels. Even if they are staying with people temporarily, this could help their hosts.
Give clothes or home items. Be really thoughtful here. If they were insured, your friends will be provided with the household basics and might not be ready to sort through a lot of stuff.
Make a meal or bring groceries. Your friends are probably exhausted and struggling on many levels. Even if they are staying with people temporarily, this could help their hosts.
If you’re local, run a needed errand. When I went on my first shopping trip after the fire to buy a pair of sandals, my local mall didn’t have the style I wanted, but the mall on the other side of town did. I wasn't able to take the time to drive that far, but a friend found out, bought them and delivered them right to me. It meant so much.
Focus on the children. If kids are involved, it’s complicated. Losing everything is especially devastating for them; their belongings mean so much. If you can, figure out a game or toy a child is missing particularly and get that to him or her right away. You will have done a great thing for the entire family.
Consider taking the long view. The process after a fire is long. You may want to check in throughout the rebuild and do any of the above a few months down the road when they may need it most.
Focus on the children. If kids are involved, it’s complicated. Losing everything is especially devastating for them; their belongings mean so much. If you can, figure out a game or toy a child is missing particularly and get that to him or her right away. You will have done a great thing for the entire family.
Consider taking the long view. The process after a fire is long. You may want to check in throughout the rebuild and do any of the above a few months down the road when they may need it most.
Do you have friends who had to evacuate, but their home survived? They have been through a terrible ordeal too and are probably feeling wrecked. Choose anything on the list and I’m sure it will greatly appreciated.
Don’t know anyone personally, but want to help? Wildfires are currently devastating homes and neighborhoods in Northern California. Here is a list of volunteer and donation opportunities to help those affected by the California fires.
Community members seeking to volunteer may contact the Sonoma County Emergency Operations Center Shelter division at (707) 573-3399 to find out how they can be of assistance.
The American Red Cross Disaster Relief helps people in crisis get through the first 48 hours after a disaster with money for food, shelter and clothes. Find out more at redcross.org or 1-800-RED-CROSS. You can text REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation.
Don’t know anyone personally, but want to help? Wildfires are currently devastating homes and neighborhoods in Northern California. Here is a list of volunteer and donation opportunities to help those affected by the California fires.
Community members seeking to volunteer may contact the Sonoma County Emergency Operations Center Shelter division at (707) 573-3399 to find out how they can be of assistance.
The American Red Cross Disaster Relief helps people in crisis get through the first 48 hours after a disaster with money for food, shelter and clothes. Find out more at redcross.org or 1-800-RED-CROSS. You can text REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation.
When we saw our house for the first time after the fire, I told Paul, “I never want to stop being thankful we survived. I don’t know how things are going to go with insurance, I know it might get stressful, but I never want to get past gratitude.”
An argument could be made I did.
But when I think about the goodness of our community, the astonishing kindness and overflowing generosity that surrounded and buoyed us, I know I didn’t and I never will.
An argument could be made I did.
But when I think about the goodness of our community, the astonishing kindness and overflowing generosity that surrounded and buoyed us, I know I didn’t and I never will.