Why Men Really Do Need a Cave
Calm down, ladies. When a man wants his own space in the house — be it a cave, garage, bar, media room, billiards hall, woodshop or bowling alley
— it’s not a red flag indicating that he's rebelling in your
relationship, trying to avoid you or shirking social commitments. In
fact, having one’s own personalized space is actually necessary and
important psychologically for everyone.
“Space is very important for regulating emotions,” says Sam Gosling, a University of Texas at Austin psychology professor and author of Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You. Gosling studies how space is a powerful mechanism for evoking our emotions, and he’s seen firsthand how having your own space, decorated by you alone, can positively affect emotional well-being. “It’s incredibly important to be in one’s own space and resonate with who one is,” he says.
“Space is very important for regulating emotions,” says Sam Gosling, a University of Texas at Austin psychology professor and author of Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You. Gosling studies how space is a powerful mechanism for evoking our emotions, and he’s seen firsthand how having your own space, decorated by you alone, can positively affect emotional well-being. “It’s incredibly important to be in one’s own space and resonate with who one is,” he says.
|
Enter man caves. Whether we're
building a boat, playing computer games, reading car magazines,
listening to loud music, working on a motorcycle, or watching action
movies or five sports games at once, man caves serve a basic
psychological function, even if the guy is aware of it or not. And it's
especially vital if the guy's emotional needs aren’t being met in other
spaces. (Sorry, honey, but that fake moss inside a cloche is doing nothing for me.)
“It’s a way of saying, ‘I love my family and flowers, but that’s not what I need to regulate my emotions,’” Gosling says. “Man caves are the architectural equivalent to hanging out with your mates." So you see? We are fragile emotional beings. We just need a kegerator (a refrigerator for a keg of beer) and power tools to cope. When it comes to designing and outfitting a man cave, Gosling says it's extremely important that there is no compromise. (Shall I repeat that, ladies? No compromise!) That's because a space that properly satisfies and regulates emotional and psychological needs is much less likely to evolve if someone else influences the outcome. |
|
Because women traditionally take
charge of decorating a household, the main living spaces tend to
regulate her emotions better than the man's. This can leave us guys
feeling isolated, even if it's on a subconscious level.
“Many people are not sensitive to that,” Gosling says. “I don’t think people are thinking, ‘I need to regulate my emotions.’ They’re thinking, ‘I need somewhere to build my boat. While I’m there, I’m going to read the magazines I like. Listen to the music I like.’ So it organically evolves.” |
|
"Even in situations where both
couples have careers and the space is perceived as a compromise, it
still may not be meeting the emotional needs for the individuals,”
Gosling continues. “Personal space is still incredibly important.”
|
|
While men might be unaware of
this need, it's definitely present. Kira Sterling, chief marketing
officer for Toll Brothers custom home builders, says her company is
seeing a dramatic uptick in the amount of requests for extra man space.
“Men are carving out space with a lot of technology, surround sound, wet
bars, exercise equipment, steam, saunas, wine bars and storage,” she
says. "It's almost like tree houses from your childhood: no girls
allowed."
|
|
|
|
Freelance motion designer Philippe Vendrolini, who works mainly from home, turned this $13,000 backyard studio space into a personalized man cave, with a small library, a sofa and space for jamming.
|
|
|
|
This homeowner, meanwhile, wanted
to use his garage as an entertainment hub where he could watch TV,
serve beer, smoke cigars and easily access the backyard pool and
barbecue, but still be able to store things like bikes, strollers and
toys. To make all this happen, designer Kate Cullen at California Closets Twin Cities created a kitchen area for a kegerator and overhead storage for his kids’ bikes and toys.
The owner even installed a one-way screen that comes down when the garage door is open so he can smoke cigars and people watch, but they can't see him. |
|
|
|
The cigar-smoking owner, a
big fan of the Rat Pack, owns a graphics company that created all the
artwork for the space. His employees had the Vegas-style neon light
custom made as a gift.
The space is also heated and air conditioned for cold Minnesota winters and humid summers. The project cost between $15,000 and $17,000. |
|
“There’s an old saying that a man’s house is his castle" says Ginny Snook Scott, chief design officer of California Closets. "No. A woman’s house is the castle. The garage is the man’s castle.”
Scott has seen the man space evolve and gain popularity over nearly three decades. She’s seen a trend toward having kegerators, wine fridges and many other gizmos, gadgets and tools right at guys' fingertips. |
|
The Internet has helped
shape this trend. Millions of photos and trends of unique spaces are
exposing people to broad design thinking. So in a sense, designers and
homeowners have gotten much smarter about personalizing their spaces.
|
|
Scott says that the custom
design industry has allowed people to have more options and freedom to
create exactly the kind of spaces they want, and they're willing to pay
for them.
"Men are looking for amenities that give them a special sense of reward," Scott says. "They work hard; they want to play hard." |
|
Karla Rodriguez, head of marketing at HartmanBaldwin,
says the owner of this detached studio in Claremont, California, had
spent his whole life living in a space designed by his wife, and he
wanted his own space where he could reflect, read and write.
Naturally, there's also a kegerator and a full bathroom. |
|
The owner of this Tudor-style
house, also by HartmanBaldwin and in Claremont, California, built his
fortune through manufacturing and had always wanted a place where he
could tinker (he also earns a lot of patents) and restore classic cars.
Typical in most man cave situations, he told his wife she could have anything she wanted in the house (French country) and garden (English style), but "the garage and workshop are all me," he says. |
|
The space includes a workshop, where he rebuilds engines, and an area for restoring old cars.
|
|
Rodriguez says a full bathroom
with shower is almost always requested for a man cave. “I’m not sure if
guys want it or it’s a compromise with their wives," she says. "Sort of
a, 'You can have your man space, but you must be clean before you come
in this house!'"
|
|
This homeowner converted the attic space into a model-car museum and model-car garage.
|
|
“Man caves are often portrayed as
refusal to grow up. Or as a resistance to a relationship being
integrated," Gosling says. "This is a perfectly legitimate need within
the context of a relationship. People should take it seriously.”
So, come on. Give us just this one room. We might even invite you down for a beer every now and then. |
