21 Things Only People Living With Kids Will Understand
This should give you just a slight idea of what it’s like living with kids. Below, with help from Los Angeles illustrator Molly Brandenburg, we’ve compiled 21 other situations that people living with kids will totally understand. If you’ve got kids, I’m sure you’ve got your own stories, and I invite you to share them in the Comments below. If you don’t have kids but know people who do, please buy them a beer or bottle of wine or a babysitter or nanny, or contribute to their kid’s college fund. Above all, if you visit their house, just don’t mind the mess.
2. You’ve vowed that if you ever discover a time machine, you will go back and stop Henry Ruschmann from inventing glitter.
3. After stepping on one too many rogue toy pieces, you never walk anywhere without house slippers.
5. When the kids are asleep, you are a ninja, able to silently open and close doors, avoid creaky floorboards, shower in silence, chop vegetables without a sound, stifle sneezes and coughs, and open wine bottles with whisper-quiet precision.
7. There was a time when the destruction of your sofa and walls by crayon-armed kids kept you up at night. But now nothing does. Not even a peed-in bed.
8. You realize a truly childproof home is one that contains no children.
10. Nothing fun ever comes from hearing your spouse say, “It’s your turn.”
11. You’d always imagined your home would look like the inside of a house in a Nancy Meyers movie, but instead it keeps getting decorated to look like the inside of a choo-choo train, an airplane, a dressing room, a garbage truck and, more often than not, a landfill.
13. When shopping, you judge pillows and blankets not on their aesthetics or comfort quality but on their potential to make a good fort.
15. You’ve actually considered opening a daycare with all the toys you’ve accumulated. Maybe then someone would play with them.
16. You’ve accepted your fate that laundry will never, ever end.
18. You take pride in the fact that you don’t own a TV — but ignore the fact that your toddler already knows how to swipe the laptop trackpad to select another episode of Caillou on Netflix.
20. You’ve stopped worrying about whether or not you’ll get your security deposit back and instead worry about whether or not there will still be a home standing at all by the time your kids enter preschool.
21. But most of all, you know that you would never have it any other way. Because your kids are the best, and your home would never be the same without them — and their slobbiness.